It's the weirdest feeling at the moment, as even though by the time I've posted this I can say I'm leaving "the week after next" it doesn't feel like I'm going anywhere. Part of it is because I've been "leaving" since January last year, when I first submitted my visa application, and the other part is that since I found a tenant for the house there has been nothing to do but wait until the 16th. I've bought my plane tickets, packed most of my stuff, renewed my passport, filled out just about every form that could be filled, and contacted everyone that needs to be contacted. I've even picked my seats on the plane. Now it really is just a case of waiting, but it isn't as easy as that.
Had everything gone exactly to plan I would have arrived in the USA to settle in February, when my visa was finally approved. But once February had arrived I'd taken care of everything that was under my control, but still had no idea when I was going to get to move, as I still had a house to get rid of. For the best part of a year I'd dropped the price, changed agents, redecorated, self-marketed, and I'd even considered abandoning the house. Every single day was taken up with thinking of what I could do to get things moving.
Every time I got a phone call from the estate agents regarding a viewing, I could start thinking up a possible leaving timeline, and after each negative response it was back to that feeling that it was never going to happen. I'd heard stories of houses being up for sale for two to three years, and by the time the house had been on the market for a year this seemed like a real possibility. Prospective house buyers tried every trick in the book to drive down my asking price, a price purely based on covering my costs. The estate agent also used my situation to try and persuade me to accept ridiculous offers. The worst thing I ever did was be honest with them, because every bloody viewer knew about my situation, leaving me with absolutely no leverage. Add this to my redundancy last year, and it's safe to say that my faith in mankind was dwindling. There's no worse feeling that when you realise you really are on your own.
If it wasn't for an out of the blue job offer I'd be in the same situation right now. Instead, I finally solved the house situation by renting it out, and now it's a 16 day countdown hoping that all of the fuck ups are out of the way, but I'm so used to spending my time worrying or plotting that these days just aren't going to feel right. I can't bring myself to just sit back and look forward to finally being with Cassie and Davie again, because we've been here before for some arsehole to ruin everything. Should any issues arise after I move they'll be a lot easier to deal with, because we can deal with them together, just like any other family.
I am about a week away from starting the goodbyes, and I think once these start the move will really feel like it's happening. I think the struggles of the last year have taken my mind off this part, which will be pretty bloody difficult. I don't know what it's going to feel like when I make my way to the security check at Edinburgh Airport, and I'm on my own again (for about 18 hours anyway), it will be a mixture of everything I'm sure.
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