Everyone should move here instead - 14 days

You're welcome

If it's not immediately apparent to you all why I am going to miss this great country of mine, why the fuck not? (I'm blogging in Scottish today, so you'll just have to put up with the swearing).  So I guess I should just give you a wee reminder of why Scotland is so fucking great.

Not only do we have a country of infinite beauty, with all the hills and lochs you can shake a stick at, we're a clever lot and invented a lot of shit.  Like the television, telephone, penicillin, raincoat, red hair, and a shit load of other things.  We've given the world the multi-million dollar industry that is golf. Scotland got Tiger Woods laid, and one day he will thank us for that.



Scottis

We invented the US Navy, and further Wikipedia research shows that we also invented fucking time. Time! The light bulb means fuck all if there's no time. There wouldn't be much point in having a wheel (which we didn't invent, but we did invent tyres) before time was invented, oh and the standard for all of the best inventions ever invented would be rendered completely useless without good old Scottish time: "would you like some sliced bread with your dinner?", "yes please, when's dinner?", "I don't know, we don't have time yet. Sorry".

So we kind of invented everything. For those who don't believe me, we invented hypnotism.

Some great people like, Adam Smith, Andrew Carnegie, Robert Burns, Sir Walter Scott, David Hume, James Watt, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, J.M. Barrie, and Sean Connery, are all Scottish. Jeez, we even gave the USA a president which kind of pisses me off since they changed the rules since then and I cant go for it.

stand still laddie!

Due to our greatness it's rather unsurprising that there are more Scottish-Americans than actual Scottish-Scottish people, although this is mainly down to bullshit claims. Johnny Cash and his wife, Reese Witherspoon, claim to have Scottish heritage, along with Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and Bill Gates. Oh, and it makes a lot of sense that Jack Daniel, the inventor of the whiskey, is of Scottish descent. But nothing beats this, UNCLE SAM IS FUCKING SCOTTISH!

It may be worth noting that many things which are stereotypically Scottish aren't, such as Haggis (French), Bagpipes (Roman), Kilt (Scandinavian), and Tartan (Chinese).

Then there's music. Not the folk music or the bagpipe music, but frickin great music. We have given the world some pretty decent bands and musicians such as: Simple Minds, Jesus and Mary Chain, Primal Scream, Belle & Sebastian, The Beta Band, Biffy Clyro, Big Country, Idlewild, Travis, Deacon Blue, The Delgados, Teenage Fanclub, Franz Ferdinand, Glasvegas, Mogwai, Paulo Nutini, The Proclaimers, and AC/DC. Contrary to popular belief, Susan Boyle is not Scottish, she is an impostor. If you want to be educated just click on the links for some of my favourite songs by said artists.

Not Scottish

This is merely a sample of our greatness. So, it kind of gets on my tits when people don't even know where we fucking are! Or what language we speak. Seriously, I've been complimented on my English on more than one occasion, and also asked what my first language was. I've been asked if we had tomatoes or potatoes in Scotland, and also if we had bicycles, which we invented of course.