Broom broom - 26 Days

I know absolutely nothing about cars. I know what one is, but I honestly couldn't tell you what kind it is or anything. Since I failed my last driving test in 1999 I haven't needed to drive, so I didn't bother getting my licence. Pubic transport is relatively good, with three of Scotland's cities a 20 minute train ride from my house, and a bus service which is OK if you don't mind the junkies, smell of old people's piss, and the sound of teenage mums screaming at babies. There's also greater scope to walk to work or the shops in most UK towns/cities. Most people here drive though, just not me.

Learning to drive is a wee bit more difficult here, with more expensive tests and more strict examination procedures. But I'd still consider driving in general to be easy, I'm just not very good at driving tests.  I'm excellent at the theory though, when it comes to written exams I'm the master. I got 90% on a biology exam once, on my first ever day in a biology class. I also got 27% in History that year, but really, I couldn't give a toss who invented the seed drill (Jethro Tull, before moving on to flute-based prog rock) or crop rotation. What the fuck has that got to do with history?

Anyway I just this minute took these mock theory tests and scored 12, 13, 13, and 12. Is that good? I don't know. Maybe if I read the study guide I'll get higher.  If I get a really good result on the theory can I be spared the practical test? I'm not a bad driver, I'm just not good with people telling me what to do, part of me wants to fail, because if I pass then the man wins, meaning I was their bitch for 30 minutes. Can I pass my test in an ironic way? I'm thinking Police Academy here. Is Hightower dead?



wtf?

My Achilles heel is roundabouts, and hill starts. I've failed tests because of both of these, and one where I had to perform a hill start on a roundabout. Now, with most cars in the USA being automatics, and therefore no clutch, and since roundabouts don't exist in Tennessee, I may stand a better chance.  From research, I believe the US practical test just involves negotiating a drive through and racing a cop, so I at least know what's expected of me.  I will have to adjust to driving on the wrong side of the road, but I was probably doing that anyway, and I'm at least used to sitting on the left.

I actually had a wee bit of driving practice when I was there in June. My first reaction was to step on thin air with my left foot and grab the window winder handle thing. I was kind of surprised that even though I hadn't attempted to drive in 12 years I still instinctively went for the clutch and the gear stick. However, I'm surprised that there doesn't seem to be such a thing as a driving instructor where I'm going. Is this because you can't buy cardigans there? Driving instruction seems to be in the form of schools, for kids. Where do adults learn to drive? Am I going to be the only one?

Getting the licence is only one small issue to be resolved. I'm more worried about what kind of car I should get when the time comes. American cars are bigger, and pretty ugly in general. I prefer the wee cars, the kind that the boy racers all drive, just not with the shit all over it, but people would just drive over me in their big assed trucks. I like the big black car Jack Bauer has in 24 (the one with the machine guns in the boot), and that seems to be good at both running from the law and catching terrorists, so I reckon this has the versatility I need.
I also worry about losing my car in car parks. I don't know how drivers remember where they've put their cars, just remembering that I have one will be a challenge. Is this why we are legally obliged to install bumper stickers?

It will be weird when I can drive. Not driving is my thing. I'll be a new person.